We are all as busy as ever trying to fit as much as we can into 24 hours & often I think the important things suffer as a result. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound like Oprah here & Jeremy Kyle gives me a headache but putting time and effort into a relationship is just as important as posting on Instagram, going to the gym and building a career. I've not got the perfect relationship & I think it's hard to find anyone who is in one but I think I do understand whats important and what isn't when it comes to being a couple in the fast-paced 21st century.
1. Quality time - Sounds pretty obvious but just because we know it's important doesn't mean it's easy to achieve. Juggling work, housework, children, a social life and hobbies means it becomes too easy to count sleeping in the same bed at night as quality time with our partners. I've heard of others struggling to find time to see their partners when they live apart & I can vouch that just because two people live together doesn't mean they get anymore quality time - in fact sometimes I think it's harder. I believe making the effort to spend time together once a week, a fortnight or even monthly can make a huge difference to a relationship. Whether its a meal out, a meal at home at the table, a cinema trip or a walk in the woods, being able to relax & spend time with each other can go a long way. I enjoy eating out & shopping (what woman doesn't?) and Paul enjoys the outdoors so canoeing, climbing, bike rides etc so between us we regularly do one or the other in order to escape the stress of everyday life and enjoy each others company. At the beginning of a relationship all you seem to do is spend time with each other, dating and meeting up so why not keep it up throughout the relationship? Also ladies, I find it's a great way to get dressed up, whack some lippy on and feel good about yourself (and of course he will LOVE the effort too).
2. Being Comfortable - I hope I speak for most of us (otherwise this is awfully embarrassing) when reflecting on the early days in a relationship where I spoke like I wasn't from Plymouth - didn't last long... GREEN ARMY!, would chew my food properly and eat about one pea at a time, give myself awful stomach ache by holding in wind and supporting the myth that ladies don't poo *Gasps* all in aid of giving a wonderful impression of myself - go me! Regardless of the fact that approximately six hours earlier Paul would have seen me chow down a kebab in 4.7 seconds, have an eyelash half hanging off, repeat the same nonsense story 38 times and fall over multiple times whilst thinking I was Beyonce in Walkabout - such a classy person. My point is, although I feel we practically all go through this stage in a relationship, eventually we all surrender and reveal our true, annoying, noisy, smelly colours so don't drag it out too long - you'll more than likely find they prefer your normal self which they will see after a few sambuccas anyway.
3. Judge & Jury - We all need a vent sometimes, whether its because your partners left his dirty socks on the floor AGAIN despite you telling him four times the night before not to do it or bigger things such as leaving his socks AND his boxers 3 feet away from the washing basket, sometimes it feels better to moan to the girls, your parents or a random person on the street - I'm sure it's happened. The important thing to remember is, whilst you have a moan and a cry and gain some support from the girls, the most natural & understandable thing for them to then do is judge. Not deliberately, but straight away they're more than likely to back your corner and tell you you can do so much better or advise you to throw all of his things out of the window like a scene from Eastenders. The reason why this happens is more than likely because they care and don't like you being upset but just remember when he does eventually put his socks in the laundry and things are dandy again, the people you confided in are unlikely to forget as quickly as you did. I'm not sitting here saying never tell anybody anything else they'll immediately think he or she is a low life for upsetting you or causing problems because we all need someone to speak to as I said earlier. But what I am saying is, all in moderation. Have a moan, but maybe not every time there's a problem. If you can sort it then sort it between yourselves. It's a horrible feeling when someone isn't liked or feels judged because of something that happened within a relationship between two people and lets face it, it's only a matter of time before you'll be able to see when whats app messages have been screenshotted - Oh Shit.
4. Communication - Some people say its the most important thing in a relationship & I understand why. It's good to talk, share thoughts and feelings but I think the trouble at the minute is people rely on social media to communicate and although an 'I love you' text half way through the day whilst doing the housework is always a good pick -me - up, constantly using mobiles or tablets to talk is never as good as face to face. Whether you're both in the best of moods and want to drown each other in soppiness or have a debate about who's doing the dishes, I think social media and mobile phones get used far to often. If you have a row, sort it face to face. If you constantly text all day "I'm just having a wee babes" when you do see each other is there anything left to talk about? I love nothing more than either me or Paul coming home from work, seeing each other, sitting down and having a massive yap, moan or laugh about our days and although I love social media and use it daily myself, I definitely think for relationships, keep it old fashioned.
5. Nooky - Being busy, tired, stressed are all reasons why the last thing we want to think about sometimes is getting down and dirty in the bedroom but as with quality time, its still important to make the effort just as much as in the beginning of the relationship. Be spontaneous & outrageous but don't get arrested.
So, there it is. My five 'acknowledgements' if you like, as to how to enjoy a healthy, happy relationship in this crazy world we live in. As I said, I'm not Oprah and each relationship is different. Always do what's best for you and not for other people as cringey as it sounds. I'm a sucker for romance - Dirty Dancing is my all time favourite - so if you have a wonderful love story or anything you think you can add then let me know!
Love M I C H A E L A x
Image from Pinterest: mickieblight
